| EQ, Emotional
Intelligence
What is EQ, EI or Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence might be defined as the awareness of and constructive
management of one’s own emotions accompanied by the ability to read and
respect the emotions of others.
Examining workplaces across
the country, testing and interviewing thousands of employees, researchers
have found a high EQ more predictive of workplace success than a high IQ.
The definition of EQ is
changing constantly because the concept is so new. Below is a set of
characteristics associated with EQ.
1.
Emotions awareness: knowing what you are feeling, having words to
describe and identify the feelings, separating one from another
2.
Emotion management: reacting constructively
to events around you and having the skills to direct anger and other
emotions in productive ways
3.
Internal motivation: finding the interests,
energy and persistence to pursue a goal, in spite of self doubt and other
obstacles
4.
Empathy:
accurately reading the emotions of others and having understanding of their
situations and needs, as well as consideration for the circumstances
5.
Dignity delivering interaction: interacting
with others in ways that deliver dignity whether resolving conflict, leading
a project or simply functioning as part of a group
Everything we teach in R&R is
a piece of the plan to promote the development of a strong EQ. Some people
might call this character education. Some might say we are reducing
dysfunctional behavior. Others may call it building a base for civil
discourse as youth and adults. Or we might see R&R as a useful tool in the
socialization of school children. These concepts all overlap. It is
difficult to separate them.
And when we develop a strong EQ, we will
be taking a big step toward filling our...
Human Needs
Our Needs Direct Our Actions.
Abraham Maslow was the first to suggest that human beings had multiple needs and
that we are always working to fill those needs. Researchers tell us that all of us are
filling our needs everyday; our need to belong, to achieve, to receive attention, to be
listened to. We might think of some needs as being "primary." Those needs must
be met before we can spend much effort on filling others.
Our Primary Needs: food, shelter, safety, rest
Once we can reasonably expect to have these in our daily lives, we set about
filling the others. We all have the need:
| to be loved |
to laugh |
to be respected |
| to be "real," ourselves, not put on an act |
to be listened to |
to receive guidance |
| to receive support |
to be accepted |
to grieve losses |
| to receive attention |
to be nurtured |
to participate |
| to belong to the group |
to be creative |
for solitude |
| to be taken seriously |
for touch |
for freedom |
| to accomplish something worthwhile |
to dispose of emotional pain |
to express our sexuality |
| to have control of our own life |
to have fun |
for privacy |
| for spirituality |
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If we’re fortunate, we learn ways to fill many of those
needs in ways that benefit us and benefit the community. But we will learn
to fill most of those needs, sometimes with obnoxious behavior, sometimes with destructive
behavior.
Filling a Need Destructively
As children we often learn to "misfill" a need, fill it in some
destructive fashion. The student who doesn't get enough attention in general, may discover
that he can get it with misconduct. It turns out that negative attention, scolding,
reprimand or punishment for bad behavior is better that no attention at all.
Some researchers
believe there may be an "hierarchy" of needs. Certain needs, besides the primary
needs, must be met before others are considered. Those might be the need:
for acceptance, belonging
to be nurtured
for love
for attention
to dispose of emotional pain
to have control of (power over) one’s life
In an effort to belong somewhere, anywhere, kids join gangs.
(There are other reasons, too--protection, for one--that students join
gangs.) To be one of
the group, students will smoke, drink alcohol or do drugs or have sex. In search of love,
girls will get pregnant (perceived love from the boy, expected love from the child). In an
effort to get rid of emotional pain, students will diss, insult, embarrass and ridicule
others.
R&R teaches students about their needs
and how to fill their needs in ways that are good for them and good
for society (then, if they are filling their needs inappropriately, staff
pressures students to take actions that will be productive).
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