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2. Develops an understanding of, and practices, all persons responsibilities through:
To reach this goal, students study the above fundamentals and:
When they have a good grasp of these fundamentals, we can lead our students to responsible behavior through a non-punitive questioning process. We ask questions relating the behavior to the 5 Principles, The Charter, The Two Jobs, The Techniques of Respect, the concept of Needs, etc. The questions we ask the student can be simplified to a formula of five steps. Ask the student to:
All the while the student is being led through this thinking process, we deliver respect and dignity to him/her. We are polite. We give her/him good eye contact. We do not use insulting tones. We do not use sarcasm. We are courteous. We are firm. We are the adults and we are in charge. A series of "discipline" questions might go something like this: "Tell me which Principle of Responsibility
applies here."
"Were anyone's rights affected?"
"What needs do you think students might be filling
when they do something like that?"
Though an element of punishment might be a portion of
"experience," if we use punishmentparticularly rigid, harsh
punishmentwe will be far less successful in correcting, molding and
strengthening character than if we use more thoughtful techniques based on our
understanding of human needs and these fundamentals. Destructive DisciplineProblem one:
Before he was discredited, he lead scores of disciples to design destructive business management practices (which are still used all over the country. The Japanese decided Deming made more sense, followed his practices and ended up with far higher productivity.) and debilitating student management practices all in the name of science and motivating people. Beware of motivational theories and practices. Most of them involve manipulation or some subtle kind of coercion.
Problem two:
We make lots more progress in changing behavior if we examine needs and teach our kids to fill their needs in productive ways. A Better and Much More Effective Approach: Looking at human needs, we see that all people need (among other needs):
What, after all, is the goal of discipline? If character development is our goal, discipline cannot be thought of as:
Effective discipline must be fashioned around needs.
Please see Constructive Discipline for more
effective techniques. Punishment RisksThe Culture of Punishment: Some of us have been reared in a strict, "Do it, do it now, or you will be punished," atmosphere and feel that all wrongdoing must be punished because it was successful with us and our siblings. (We and each of our siblings all grew up without doing drugs, abusing alcohol, etc. and are now all responsible, conscientious, good citizens.) If we were punished and did not suffer the negative effects that can develop with punishment, it was because we were also accepted, loved and listened to, etc.we had our essential needs met. Why We Punish: We React Angrily: Theyre misbehaving
againweve told them a thousand times to do this or thator not to, and
theyre at it again (and we know that telling is the least effective way to get
something done, but telling is a habit) so were angry that were facing it
again. (We also might be a bit angry with ourselves, because we know that we
should be handling the matter differently, but changing is hard.)
Punishment as Reward: Punishment reinforces negative behavior. If the student has learned that attention comes only with misbehavior, punishment is a reward. This is also the case for the student for whom misbehavior has become a pattern of rebellion. When Punishment Does "Work:"
What Happens to Learning after Punishment? Punishments leave a student mulling and stewing over the incident. He turns it over and over in his headsometimes for hours. How much is the student learning during those hours? Zip. Zero. Nothing. If we want to maximize learning, we eliminate as
much trauma, humiliation, insult, as we can. We insist that all persons involved (us
included) work respectfully to resolve the situation. When we are through, we shake hands,
give each person good eye contact and smile warmly with a comment that is encouraging.
"I know you can (play fair) behave responsibly. Im expecting (fair play)
responsible behavior from you. Next time we talk, Id like it to be about (project
the student is working on, or some talent related effort by the student)." Lawrence Kohlbergs Levels of Moral DevelopmentKohlberg postulates that as we mature, and IF we mature morally, we move through six levels of moral development. Those levels, simplified are:
Most school discipline plans are designed using levels one and two (threats of punishment or promises of reward). Individuals, working with students, sometimes try to get behavior changes by using number three. "Please do it, just for me." (When we teach children to do something to please us, the question is, who next will they try to please? And will it be in their best interests? This technique is classified as being one kind of "manipulation" and should be discouraged.) If we design a discipline plan around punishment or rewards* we reinforce the first two levels of moral development. We may even "hook" kids at that level. We might even be hampering the development of higher levels of development.
*Kohlberg asserts that children do not develop a
"moral sense" until they are about seven years old. When we are dealing with
very young children, two, three and four year olds, we may have no choice but to offer
reward, or hold punishment over their heads. Back to top Isnt this the Job for Parents?Isnt the development of responsibility the job for parents? Arent they supposed to be sending kids to school ready to learn? Most parents ARE working to develop responsibility in their children. Many parents spend long hours with their kids, play with their kids, have serious discussions with their kids and work very hard to do the right thing.
Then there are parents who work two jobs just to put food on the table. When do they have time to interact with their kids? And who is going to give a kid a sense of self and a sense of responsibility if his parents have slipped down into the drug/alcohol/crime abyss? We see it on the news every day. The people getting into trouble, making the news, are almost always also parents. There are thousands of kids out there whose parents have such big problems that they can't be gentle, loving parents. If for no other reason, we need to implement the R&R teachings in schools so the students who suffer multiple deprivations have the guidance they need to become contributing citizens.
Its Tough Going Alone The reality is, many parents need help developing responsibility in their kids. The whole community should be involved. The best place to start is the schools, because every student goes their five days a week. We can reach every child if we start in the schools. And It Would Be a Step Forward If As a society we need to establish more parenting classes, connect them to birth recordsinvite parents to classes at varying times in the life of the child1. How to deal with the newborn, 2. How to deal with the terrible two's, 3. What your children need to experience that will prepare them for schoolages two to five, 4. What to expect from the pre-adolescent, etc. And the Reality Is We are none of us perfect parents. Most of us become parents. Most of us have suffered some kind of emotional trauma. Most of our hurts have been small and we have learned to handle them.
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