Bullying is Programmed
A bully does not become a bully without
help.
Factors involved in the
development of the bully often include:
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An abusive home
situation including harsh physical punishment
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Lack of gentleness,
warmth and caring in the household
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A neighborhood/older
siblings who bully him/her
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And parents will often
support the aggressive behavior of their kids (“Be tough! Don’t let ‘em
push you around”.).
And the bully often:
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Has failed to develop a
sensitivity for others or their feelings, having no empathy, no remorse
for hurting a classmate
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Denies responsibility
for his aggressive actions saying things such as “He deserves…” or “She
made me…”.
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Misreads body language,
facial expressions and actions of others
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Has poor emotion
management skills
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is easily frustrated |
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explodes over small
issues |
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is impulsive |
Desperately struggles
for “respect” from peers and to gain “power” over others
Has developed low
self-esteem which he/she must boost by proving himself/herself “better” in
some way, usually with physical or emotional threats and insults. Girls
have become particularly good at cyber-bullying, lying about, defaming,
threatening other girls.
Is larger (the male
bully) than most of his classmates
As time passes, the
bully may discover he/she can “profit” from bullying.
We will not only protect
potential victims more effectively when we start young, we may also be able
to redirect the energy of the “would-be” bully into productive activities
that develop her/his real talents at a younger age. The sooner students
“find their strengths” and get busy building them, the easier it is to feel
good about the self. When a student is busy focused on real talents and
energy flows into building that talent, self-esteem grows with less “need
for power” over others.
Those who have exhibited
bullying behavior in the early grades need special “respect” training
outlined in our manual. It includes discussion and exercises concerning:
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Teasing, and instruction
in empathy for others
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Emotion identification
and management
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Our human needs, what
everyone really needs and how to get it without hurting others
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To identify and
recognize abuses of power, give them names and develop self restraint
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To accurately read
faces/body language
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To replace arrogance
with real respect for others
Some bullies drop out of school, but many
go on to graduate, get job training or college, enter the workforce where
they bully their coworkers, their employees, then go home to bully their
spouse and their children, and on goes the cycle.
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